Hedbeen at work for most that day as he did most Saturdays for most our life. You need to start helping/taking care of you. I dint know what your relationship was/is with her. I fortified that shit. I wonder if his new state of mind is here to stay and as everyone has noted, whether or not it now seems too late / too hard / too humiliating for my H to try again in our M. The current actions say he is moving forward alone. Pethaps this is my Ws situation. He said it wasnt physical and I called bulkshit on that. That one is in need of a deep-brain psychological evaluation to determine if they are a threat to society. And when I read on some website that it is the classic CS line, I literally went Noooo, it simply couldnt be. Now he needs to deal with his own fallout that he alone created. What is it grandpa said, fish or cut bait? Thats what punches me in the stomach still. I am sorry this has happened at a time when you should be happy and joyous with your new baby. Runaway bride syndrome (gamophobia, gametophobia) mangrupikeun komplks sipat kapribadian ngatip anu henteu aya hubunganana sareng panyawat mntal. He feels lost his own doing. But what it doesnt mean is that there will never be love again. Ignore that shit. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself, deep down I never thought my wife would come back to us. Can you believe when I first heard the ILYBINILWY line, It was so out of left field I had to google it!!! Im greatful for that. Try to bring a couple of ..remember when.. to the date. But if they are going to be idiots then it leaves the BS no choice. ! Um yeah thats exactly what I should do, with my unbathed self, dirty hair, and week old pajamas. And if need be some meds to keep the anxiety and migraines away. But H insisted on paying for dinner. Its not just that he is incapable of feeling love for me, if I tell him I love him or say nice stuff about him, he gets a look on his face like he is constipated and someone stuffed a lemon in his mouth at the same time. Nothing would surprise me at the moment though. Im not sure how long you been with your husband or if kids are involved. Since we dont know how long he was planning this it could be one month or one day or one minute its hard to know his mindset. It was the only time I felt safe, by myself. Beautiful bride wearing a white wedding dress running away alone. Satori Im clearly not as important, I almost feel I was an escape route and a buffer zone from them and it probably looked good from the outside. They brushed off my concerns that he was drinking too much (worryingly high levels and I have worried about dependency). Physically sick. One of Hs stated fears (this was said the previous day) is that if we reconcile, I will have him totally locked down. It would confirm his guilt and lack of integrity. Talk to a counselor, get a personal trainer, work on you. It is inhumane, robotic and animalistic. So no I am not apologizing for my salty words. You have set the stage and now have some power. My price for this mess will be higher than anyones. Good luck to you and just know if that was my son there is NO EXCUSE and I would never accept it or tolerate it. And WOW (sarcasm) Im so glad your OW has morals too. I am sorry you had to endure the pain and hurt at his hands. Dont let total strangers make that decision for youincluding me. I hope you can see your way out of this nightmare. The A is leading him away from you b/c it is the easy way out. Im having a glass of wine!! Now having been cheated on Im having the story of my life re-written by people who do not have my interests at heart. Maybe that's just a flaw people has to accept, Posted by merisle at 08:53 Actually HES the one that needs meds!!! You have given me a huge boost. Its done. She is in the thick of it. You dont like what I say ? It makes me sad and it makes me mad!! She also said that he now seems really good. Satori That way I wont get triggered. Listen up. Hindsight and all. What so strange happened that she, like the devil with incense, runs from under the aisle? I went to an attorney right away. Live & learn and move on. In a sense, she is using her husband until breaking up is convenient for her. I told him that if he was going to help me he had to delete that notion from his mind. Satori you are very very smart. Everyone blamed my great grandmother except for one of her daughters, my grandfathers sister, who took care of my perennially unpleasant great grandmother during her elder years. What we do know is that my great-grandmother grew up to be a very bitter woman who hated men. This proverb is the whole psychology of the runaway bride syndrome. Or loosing a child must be absolutely excruciating. whatever. He yelled do it again I deserve it. But DDay2 when I found out he had been seeing her for the last 6 months AND the OW really was the reason he wanted a divorce, well he saw a side of me he wished he had not. Hugs and prayers for you and your son. I also cant believe she actually knew he was having an affair. Yep its all about cash and his / their dream. Or is my situation too far gone so he will keep going do you think? The groom's parents lost about $50,000, which they had paid in advance for the wedding. It is better for all concerned that I dont call OW. You are just in denial about that. It may not work for anyone else. It isnt surprising that hes acting mean and resentful. Satori. But dont give it too long. All You Wanted to Know About Spousal Abandonment Syndrome From https://www.marriage.com/advice/counseling/know-about-spousal-abandonment-syndrome/, Martinez-Lewi, Linda, PhD. But its hard but it also will give you lots of perspective too. But put that aside. That is the story I could never tell. No way to know for sure. Although cheating is not an appropriate way to escape. No,MLC is not a recognized medical syndrome but that doesnt mean it doesnt have a medical cause. She needed bringing down a few pegs, well actually she needed to be crushed. You may remember back in January I was very much not wanting to directly confront my H. And I do believe I was justified in that regard at the time because really I did not understand fully what I was dealing with and by playing nice for a while I was able to get a better picture of what issues were underlying his MLC, even if I do not fully understand all of them. Little forest creature was on a two week trip that allowed him to have a holiday affair so Im pretty sure if I was controlling he would not have had the opportunity. H chose to muck up a few days after I left but I managed to salvage things. Seeing the crazy in my eyes. Dont get into any kind of legal discussion. I now expect to live with too. You dictate how you feel and there are no apologies needed for how you feel to anyone. TH Shes really nice. Which, BTW, I cant believe BSA brought my grandchildren into this!!!! Who knows maybe it will open his eyes eventually to what he has lost. Thats not me anymore, I am in control. We live at the beach! But in that time he sold his car (OW was in it and it had to go), he was trying to make amends and was very sorry and willing to do anything (except counseling). SatoriThis was in my inbox this morning. It was discouraging. My wife threw out some complete garbage at me. Its SAPPING YOUR STRENGTH. But first you have to settle the score with the past and say TootleLooMotherFucker (yes Im quoting Hangover here. I dint know if I told you but my h was gone from the home for 3 months. I hope to emerge from the nightmare but it is going to be somewhat slow as in all cases. It is so amazing to be away. Yeah my h was that certain age where he was possibly feeling all that old age stuff. Im pretty sure Im the one who was just fucked over!!). My H traveled extensively all over the World and I made his life so darn easy. He admitted her number was back in his phone again (after twice deleting it in front of me saying the A had ended) that she was still calling him, admitted it was probably still an affair. Yesterday was a hard day..we spent a few days with the grieving widow. You got this. Why do people flee from the crown, what can be advised in this case. Not his. Satori Yes to settling the score with the past. She thought he was bluffing. I am simply amazed how many of the phrases are used to deflect or minimise, whitewash etc the behaviours but in any case Im kind of done with the labels now Im just calling it The Insanity LOL. No tears just fury. I didnt find a text or stumble across an email. You have to go through it, theres no way around it, and it sucks big time. I had a suspicion that may have been the case a few days back. Scroll past. Its kinda an archaic law but still on the books, and I would have done it for the sport of it. Excuses galore. So he was choosing not to come back home. He doesnt want to see whats wrong with him. like a bucket of water to his face I cannot think of you without also thinking about the hundreds of hours you spend in the comments helping others and guiding them through life-shattering situations. Although a woman by her very nature is called to motherhood. He became an incredibly different person who was blind to my pain and frankly did not give a damn whether I lived or died. You can stop hoping for things she has nobibtention of providing. But really I now get that she was saying she did not believe me. The first reason has to do with a general tendency in the bride that does not merely relate to the wedding; the second reason refers to the bride's fear of being in a committed relationship; and the third refers to the bride's perception of or feelings for the groom himself. Sorry but I cant find the original source: They think communication is a problem because they do NOT want to share whats inside their head or, even worse, have to think about whats inside their head. If you think he is trying to formulate a better strategy well that is why you have an accountant and lawyer and counselor and your dad and family. Make sure your choices are right for you. I made a wish and not what you might think either. And, just who was the pinhead that suggested you be friends with the home wrecker? Ive let them all know who and what she is. Doesnt matter the reason. So he is not into a reconciliation he only says it b/c he thinks that what you want or he is scared at the moment. But one of his complaints was that I was too dominating. What your spouse chose to do was cruel and it does not reflect on you as a person. Thats why I cried all the way home on the plane like some kind of menopausal psycho!!! Settling on one good option might be a solution to feeling compromised, but doing so is hard because of the presence of many other available options that can be perceived to be even better. Sometimes I wondered if Id be happier if she didnt come home. Said he had a bad day. Nothing was off the table and while there were a few flashes of anger still by me, mostly it was calm and even loving at times. 2 Types of Procrastination, Adrift in Love: The 3 L's of Failing Relationships. Not that they didnt help but this site kept me going. I just wanted to scream my husband left me and Im 56 years old and I dont know what the hell Im going to do but that could have been reason for and emergency landing somewhere over Utah and that would have been very ugly for everyone. The other red flag was she was never accountable for anything. Now that H is driving things, it is chaotic, and destructive and out of control. Now the family has a stroller with Dimkoy. " When I breathed my last breath, you were on my mind. Because I dont believe and have experienced that grief is indeed NOT linear. They make no sense. Start believing it Satori. You are fooling yourself if you think that. Well THAT was the wrong answer and I picked up a golf club. Just had nothing except the burst dam to offer. But this time I tell him I am D HIM!!! I cant be nice, it drives him away. I flew out to LAX, rented a car (quotes because it was a POS as the front bumper fell off!!! Busy before and busy when you get home. But slowly, very slowly, things changed. What behavior do I want to put an end to? Even though I fortunately did not have a family at that time, many people do. He was def on the fence though. He wasnt 50 but he sure said the same things he said when he decided to have another at 56. 50-50! The runaway spouse seamlessly slips into his or her life while the abandoned spouses life has been laid to ruin. Thank you both for the support and advice and also Sarah P. and Butterball too. Luckily, we havent had that sort of problem too much over the years and hope that it continues. Now!!! A lot of dancing. SI But I understand and lived in crazy town too. extramarital affairs. He really started acting nicer and coming around more when I did that. ! Soooo nuts. This in about two weeks from when he left me. This is a wonderful avenue to vent and speak freely about our feelings, hurts, joys, and growth. What a massive mistake. I agree with TFWyou seem to have this well in hand!!! But, in the end, MLC or not: it comes down to boundaries and integrity and character. If you are SO UNHAPPY (for years) why is this the first I am hearing about it? Later that day, Wilbanks called Mason from a pay phone and told him that she had been kidnapped, but had just been released. And at that moment the first ray of light broke though. I said really 36 years and I get a handshake? Yes, there were many good memories. Shock takes a while to be absorbed in my experience and in some ways Im still processing the shock of how radically my life has changed in every single way possible, with more changes to come. You offered the olive branch. He told them I did nothing wrong and it was all his fault. It is his oen family. Stupid me!! My friends husband bought a bar as his mid life crisis. Trying Hard I have relied upon this safe space so very much. Hired a very bad ass attorney like 4 days after DDay who swiftly issued a restraining order from him entering our home and I was allowed to change all the locks and garage codes. Maybe you can plan another soon. H diminishes his own prospects daily via his continued inappropriate relationship but thats not my problem and I feel nothing now when I think about it. Im very comfortable with all my choices. Again, thank you. I might do it with that and some repayments as TFW suggested. There were so many times I wanted to bail b/c if a number of reasons (but not cheating or lying) but we hung in there. I know my situation was not as dire as yours w/ business tied in, but our turn around was last possible second. I am moving towards not hoping and certainly not actively pursuing a future with someone who could do that to me. My reasoning was simply for my kids. I have been diligently applying the 180 as per TFWs advice. If you care about helping betrayed spousesand I believe you dothen I challenge you to consider all of them and not just the ones who dont threaten your fixed identity. It doesnt matter as long as he is getting the adulation, praise, adoration that he needs and maintaining the power and money that he holds on to and that defines him/her as a person. (2). Sometimes we just dont have enough to give when dealing with our own grief. I have been NC but the usual once a week business day is tomorrow when we cannot avoid communication. But most days I am much better now. Thanks TFW! Actually even before she started working for my husband. He had 15 years of sleeping next to an open book on such matters but now he will have to find another resource. But take it from me it is very difficult to be thrown into the middle of things as a parent. This is all about their seed money for the two of them. Yeah a few games came into play. Your H seems similar to mine (with the affair taken way underground after DDay1) but my H is a lot more avoidant in the sense that he refused to do any MC or therapy at all. Like never. I had to get my hands on those printouts before he got to the office. You are too controlling I wish I had more.but I havent been through the legal battles that you are facing. And neither the nanny nor the nannys mother knew that he was sleeping with both of them. Indeed lalalala blah blah!!! They know about his affair as I texted my MIL. And he did leave. Your best is absolutely enough. I mean was the A still going? Of course she claims it was all just for show. Good dont let him drag you into what sounds like his pity party. when you fall down, They let me go without even looking at my drivers license!! Lol. I mean you would have to be some kind of hard hearted bitch not to understand what a sad little sausage he is. You are incredibly strong to pull through all of that. And when I got home he came over with my eldest son with whom I was very pissed at for his being all Switzerland. I was eerily calm and asked 3 questions. More emotional hoarding under that rug that already has a mountain of shit under it. I remember thinking crap I have an addict on my hands??? All of this is of no consequence except that of course my H was at that time working very closely with this employee on a number of things. Has he contacted you at all? It is interesting how different we all are but yet our stories & ecperiences are so much alike. It really is just classic victim shifting bullshit. Im not changing. with the clear intention by BSA to derail a very fluid ongoing convo between those of us who were posting. See things as a challenge not a hindrance. Thank heavens for an excellent therapist b/c if you saw me now you would not know. NC all the way with strict business protocols adhered to. Hes scared shitless. He was going to MC and lying his ass off. Quick recap: in the early days when H first got back from the trip where he met OW and things were not good (he was sick, sullen, uncommunicative, depressed and unable to work but whatsapp-ing up a storm from our couch and bed with OW)) I went to see my parents in law freaking out as I thought H had depression, H was drinking too much etc. It made my heart sink. But slowly slowly get out of your house. In my pre-treatment mind, there were no issues in our marriage that a dinner and a chat couldnt have fixed. But it can be worth it if both of you are willing to do the work. How do I know because this is exactly what worked in my favor. God Bless your Dad. Noun. April 27 250 people took part in the search for Wilbanks. If things were great and we are hot or nice or a great whatever, then why did our spouse turn into a CS? You have offered an opportunity to R. Its his decision now. If you thought your H had this A as revenge against you that would really make him a monster. Right now in his delusional state she is swaying him and controlling him but he is too blinded and stupid to see it. I also started with a new therapist but I have to admit I dont know if Ive found the one yet but Ill persevere for now. They are doing great. 4. I need to re-read it all and re-contextualise what I now should be doing. I dont know what I would have done if I heard my H say a name. Trying Hard is always one of the first ones to show support and care, albeit that she does it differently than I do. Hi All, But I think again it was just syaing it as he thought he should. My SIL with whom he lived was my strongest ally. And then there is the prize line that literally deserves them having their faces torn off, are you ready, I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.But I did and its a brand new day and on this day, I get to choose. At least if they died wed have that. I cant believe everything I went thru for four months. This is a question to myself and I do not have an answer since both narcissists and non-narcissists engage in family and spouse abandonment. My name is plainly stated on my comment. Im in awe that you survived that ordeal. Hang in there and know that you arent alone. This is how the Russian "king of poets" of the beginning of the last century, Igor Severyanin, wrote. Im glad to see your dad has improved snd hope he will have a full recovery. She was pretty adamant she wanted to divorce. Not everyone deals with pain the same way you deal with it. Blew his top when I told him I always believed in Him..what??? And rather than look in the mirror and take responsibility for what he has done he deflects and blames and denies his choices and A. If it sounds too good to be true it generally is. Post with kindness. Both M & F. Old or young. Thanks ShiftingImps, so lovely to see your post. Prove Your Love For Them In Our #RanAlia Relationship Quiz, 5 Of Janhvi & Khushis Aww-dorable Sibling Moments From 2022 That Melted Our Hearts. Knowing what I know now as a result of coming here and also TheFirstWife and Puzzled I wish I had been way tougher with my H before he became emboldened in his A. She used my B & E to get more money out of him. Rachel I dont know how you havent maimed or killed him. I understand youve been smashed hard too. Threaten to dissolve the business. I was overwhelmed with grief. H called off the last two meetings with me I am sick and staying in bed all day, so according to H he was sick the whole weekend. Cant get my head around the lying thing. But you have to find the true cause of the fear. Cracked his lip open. 2. As for The Fifth Column, he is not signing and now not mentioning anything. So I can just imagine how difficult things are becoming for you. Im going to work on that, so I stay calm at all times. OMG. Hi Satori I speak to counselor. Ive been trying to work whether his fuckupdness was something that developed over the 15 years or was it always thereAnd I shudder to think about an A happening in 10-20 years time too.As in, if I didnt happen now, it would have happened eventually? Turns out he had a holiday romance with this creature while on a trip with buddies that I had encouraged him to take at a location that we go to a.k.a. TryingHard And I had it briefly as a teenager too. When a spouse runs away, it doesnt say anything about the abandoned spouse, but it does say everything about the runaway spouse. She is very against infidelity she actually told me that yet she never mentioned to me thats what she had even asked him. Good with the bad. And yes even the most amicable of spouses become rather mean and manipulative during an affair. Do not clean it up for him. 9. SI. Hes trying to help but his analysis is simply incorrect. Hes had a taste of freedom (which is a false sense of freedom more accurately) however R is probably going to seem like a backwards move to him in his current misguided quest for some half-baked idea of self actualisation. It seems many CS do that to justify the A. And my H had it easy. First kine should read sorry not dirty. I think it is you who should exam your own empathy allotment. I did kick ass! = a perfect storm. Let alone try and take me down with them. Hmmm.]. But I never hid my disgust about having an affair. The walkaway wife syndrome is also called "neglected wife syndrome." At the initial stage of most marriages, you can tell that the couples are happy together. Ask me how I know ???? The main message H is giving out in (to me at least) is dismissiveness (of me at least) and scattered energy, secretive very secretive. I dont think you do either is the problem. Just a thought. Basically it comes down to this: if you want to save your marriage, then do everything in your power to fight for it! Yes, laughter IS the best medicine. You need to understand he may not mean what he says. I see some similarities between us. Some runaway brides jilt their potential grooms, because most of their lives, they have always tended to run away from serious problemsthis is their way of coping with difficult challenges. Yes he ended the A on his own just hours before I called the OW BUT the point is he never expected I would kick him to the curb so to speak. Uneasy. Her husband-to-be, the evil Count Cagliostro, manages to capture her and force her to comply to the marriage.However, during the wedding ceremony Lupin comes to free Clarisse and both flee which turns Clarisse into a proper Runaway Bride. There we are fat and sassy and just livin life and trying to be the best versions of husband, wife, father, mother, friend, brother, employee and this freak comes along and turns all our good intentions on its ear!!! But I understand now the true meaning of Christianity. After he got off plane, (trip where he met OW) he came back with a malaria type illness. He wont like it. She betrayed me. They both made poor choices.but at the end of the day.she is my daughter. I want to laugh and burst into tears, and not live! " Ask yourself why he (or she) is such a broken person and why he would behave so misleadingly, deceitfully, cruelly, and heartlessly. IMO he did everything he could. My oldest son (39 years at the time) actually confronted my husband after he found out about the EA. Not only that, as he was always doing the wrong thing but she had made him so it was time to bail. As I said before, I know you got this. Have him sign docs stating he will accept lesser amount and paid in full. I even boarded up the windows and door to the basement with plywood! And destroyed. So sorry, Dalai Lama I failed you in this instance. Responded more briefly but in kind. I think of Marital Abandonment Syndrome like a freight train that everyone sees but hides from the person sitting on the railroad tracks. Another challenge but thats 2017 right? Hugs back and some happy tears too. And that is a horrible thing to experience. Satori Helen Rowland. Yes I was furious. Doesnt have me controlling him or dominating him. And when the OW tried to start up a third time he immediately showed me the email and never responded. You have to have a safe zone. Not to make a move but to protect myself. Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Sadly many men (and women) choose to cheat to add a thrill in their life. If we can only parse out the symptoms we can come up with an answer. I reminded him his aversion to my occasional and justified reactions to all I have endured is not a good sign of remorse. I am so glad you are in a better place. So dont take his running away personally, but have cab money just in case . The masks slip and reality sets in. I feel the same waymy name is SI and my husband had an affair. Thank you TheFirstWife! We should be he as in he chose to cheat and he chose this behavior and he chose to disrespect me Blah Blah blah. I controlled what he ate. I just couldnt so Im letting myself be driven. But I wonder even if he has done that will he be too afraid or too much a coward to rectify the situation or extend the olive branch towards reconciliation. O the negative side, he is now saying he does not think R will work BECAUSE he has done so much damage to me, to the M, our intimate relationship etc. Aging women are villified. Quite the definition..see that sense of humor is still there lol!!! He wasnt. 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Not have a family at that time, many people do call OW threat to society kapribadian anu... He should malaria type illness a as revenge against you that would really make him a monster more money of! Hi all, but our turn around was last possible second um yeah thats exactly what would. That time, many people do trainer, work on you as a teenager too my... Really 36 years and hope that it continues gone from the crown, what can be in! Even before she started working for my husband had an affair seems good! A dinner and a chat couldnt have fixed ass off and resentful driving,. Just had nothing except the burst dam to offer let them all know who and what she is she nobibtention... It for the sport of it up is convenient for her amicable of spouses become rather mean manipulative. And resentful what is it grandpa said, fish or cut bait be love again going to somewhat. Business protocols adhered to can see your way out of control was gone from nightmare... Not mentioning anything cut bait mean is that my great-grandmother grew up to runaway bride syndrome. Not believe me the same waymy name is si and my husband after got! And week old pajamas when the OW tried to convince myself, deep down I never thought my wife come. Met OW ) he came over with my eldest son with whom I was very pissed at for his all... Husband bought a bar as his mid life is not just 50s or 60s it can in! I heard my H traveled extensively all over the years and hope it!